Oh fragile, creative beings

Known as the "Individualists" or "Romantics", Fours are often emotionally insightful, drawing on a rich inner world to create beauty and meaning. They can be sensitive and attuned to the depth of human experience, often feeling that they are fundamentally different from others.

At their best, Fours embrace their uniqueness with self-acceptance and inspire others with their creativity. In less healthy states, they might become envious, withdrawn, or overly focused on what they feel is missing.

 

It probably comes as no surprise that when I think of Enneagram Fours, I often think of the Romantics; William Wordsworth, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Lord Byron, John Keats, and Percy Shelley. Their work was steeped in ideas that resonate strongly with the core concerns of an Enneagram Four. They were emotional and introspective, often with a melancholic yearning for meaning and beauty.

Think of Keats’ Ode to Melancholy in which the final stanza begins;

She dwells with Beauty—Beauty that must die;
And Joy, whose hand is ever at his lips
Bidding adieu; and aching Pleasure nigh,
Turning to poison while the bee-mouth sips…

Or his Ode to a Grecian Urn (Keats really liked his odes - he wrote six of them) which ends with the famous lines;

Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.

Beauty, melancholy, and meaning are all wrapped up in a delicate mix of agony and ecstasy in the world of a Four. 

The dandys - and particularly Oscar Wilde - embodied classically Four in their behaviour. Their pursuit of beauty, uniqueness, and an idealised aesthetic lifestyle were all quintessentially Four preoccupations.

 

In years gone by, I spent a lot of time attending personal development seminars. These were weekend and week-long events focused on healing and personal growth. At every one of those events, you could spot the Fours a mile off. They’d float in with their highly unique outfits and almost always sit close to the front or in the front row. They were there to be seen, to be appreciated, to be admired.

But, but, but… 

If you’re thinking, ‘But hang on Samantha, Threes also love to be seen, appreciated and admired’, you’d be right. Threes and Fours are both driven to be noticed, but their motivations differ.

• Threes aim to achieve recognition and respect through their accomplishments and mastery. For them, visibility is often a measure of success; an external validation of their worth.

• Fours seek admiration not to prove competence but to affirm their uniqueness and to feel understood. They bring an emotional intensity and individuality to their presence, creating an aura that says, ‘See me for who I am, for my singular vision.’ Fours have a longing to be recognised as truly one-of-a-kind, with their style and vibe serving as an authentic expression of their inner world.

• Unlike the polished confidence of a Three, a Four’s visibility feels like a glimpse into something more personal and delicate. It’s not about achievement but about being seen in all their layered and nuanced individuality.

 

Fourish industries and industries that appreciate Four qualities 

• As aforementioned, poetry is one clear career path for a Four. (Emily Dickinson is one of the great Enneagram Four poets. If you’ve seen the TV show Dickinson you’ll find plenty of Four aesthetic and sensibility woven throughout.)

• theatre is another obvious career path for a Four. Merging self-expression, connection, and depth, Fours can showcase their unique talents whilst contributing to a communal artistic experience that resonates emotionally

• creative arts is another great option (like writing, painting, music, acting, and photography) where a Four can bring a distinct, personal style that resonates deeply with audiences looking for authenticity and beauty

• design (fashion, interior, graphic, and product design) where a Four can focus on creating atmospheres or pieces that evoke emotion and tell a story

• publishing (as an editor, literary agent, or even a bookshop owner), can appeal to the Four’s love for story, creativity, and emotional depth

• therapy and counselling thanks to a Four’s natural empathy and comfort with complex emotions

• film, television and media production where Fours can also enjoy working behind the scenes in film, TV, or media production (they will be drawn to shaping stories and visuals that resonate with audiences on an emotional level)

• curatorial work (in museums, galleries, or curatorial roles) allows Fours to contribute to preserving and presenting art, culture, and history where they can lean into nuance and layering of meaning

• content creation that reflects a Four’s unique perspective, especially if it involves self-reflection, lifestyle, or creative passions. This can be a powerful outlet for Fours to share personal stories and ideas, building an audience that values their authenticity.

Which brings me to another mistyping that can occur. A self-aware Seven can also be very open about their emotions and struggles. They’re prolific content creators and will often share through storytelling, loving nothing more than a good anecdote. Similarly, Fours and Sevens are both passionate, creative, enthusiastic, and sensitive to experiences.

So if you’re wondering whether your own behaviour - or that of someone you know - is Fourish or Sevenish, here’s how to distinguish them; tone and approach.

• Fours are often talking about their emotions as a way of drawing you into their inner world.

• When a Seven is openly sharing their emotions, you’ll often hear an “upward arc” where they’re sharing to teach; motivating the audience to look forward and keep going.

Have a look on Instagram and you’ll see another difference between the two. Fours have a deliberate, curated aesthetic, with each piece designed to convey an authentic feeling. Sevens, on the other hand, experiment more freely, enjoying variety and spontaneity. Their Instagram feed is less magazine-worthy and more vivacious/of the moment. Sevens are much better at ‘shipping’ (like the man who popularised the idea and who presents as a quintessential Seven; Seth Godin). A Seven’s philosophy being, ship now and iterate. Fours, on the other hand, are more likely to spend time making the work beautiful and evocative, before shipping.

 

Fours in the arts

For all other Enneagram points, I’ve spoken about how they they up in storytelling. I started down this path with the Fours but felt it was a disservice to the creative powerhouses of the Enneagram to confine the conversation in this way. So, broadening things out a little, let’s explore a range of examples from the arts.

Four artists, protagonists, songwriters, and storytellers are sensitive, creative, and complex. You’ll often find them grappling with feelings of being misunderstood or set apart from others.

Side note; I have observed that most teenagers experience real affinity with Four behaviour. So if you’re looking to support your teen through what can be quite tough years emotionally, look for a book with Four characters, or find music, movies or artwork that’s Fourish in its expression. What better way to work through all those heightened emotions and angsty moments than via the creative arts?

In novels, a Four protagonist’s story arcs frequently revolves around self-discovery, dealing with longing or loss, and embracing their unique perspective on the world.

Anne from Anne of Green Gables is one of literature’s most famous Enneagram Four characters. Think of her intense imagination, sense of wonder, emotional sensitivity, and desire to be seen as unique (‘It’s Anne with an E!’).

Catherine and Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights exist on the darker end of the Four-spectrum, where unresolved longing and self-sabotage cause their downfall. They embody the Four’s potential for emotional intensity, romantic idealism, and tragic self-destruction. Think also of those famous star-crossed lovers Romeo and Juliet and the pain and longing of their forbidden love.

Pricilla Queen of the Desert is a class Enneagram Four movie that celebrates being unapologetically true to oneself and finding beauty in difference.

Drag as an art form is also fuelled by Four values, celebrating individuality, self-expression, and authenticity. (Dig into RuPaul’s Drag Race for some enjoyable indulgence in the world of the Four.)

 

Other notable characters include:

• Jesse and Céline from Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, and Before Midnight have lots of 4/5 style conversations that are reflective, deeply introspective, filled with longing, searching for meaning, and romantic yearning.

• Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter (one of my favourite characters from the series) is highly individualistic, embracing her eccentricity despite being seen as an outsider.'

• Janis Ian (Mean Girls) channels her emotional intensity into her art, refusing to conform and embracing her uniqueness with a kind of rebellious pride.

 

For more Fourish brilliance, think of every movie Tim Burton and Guillermo del Toro have ever been involved in, Manga books, and the extraordinary art of Frida Kahlo, Jean-Michel Basquiat, and Vincent Van Gogh.

Then we have all the singers and the fashion houses! For the singers, think Björk, Yoko Ono, Kurt Cobain, Prince, Billie Eilish, Rihanna, David Bowie, and Florence Welch. And in the world of fashion, there’s Alexander McQueen, Yves Saint Laurent, Vivienne Westwood, Issey Miyake, Elsa Schiaparelli, John Galliano, Marc Jacobs, and Christian Lacroix (to name just a few).

With this in mind, it won’t surprise you that poetry, gothic fiction, dark academia, magical realism, romanticism, psychological fiction, tragic romance, magical realism, and memoir are all literary genres that appeal to Fours.

Social media for Fours 

The visual platforms and anything that emphasises visual storytelling, aesthetic expression, and personal connections are excellent for Enneagram Fours. Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube, TikTok, Behance, and DeviantArt are all good options.

Substack or Medium are great for Four writers and poets, and although it’s more of a membership and funding platform than traditional social media, Patreon is a worthwhile platform for Fours to explore.

Visibility blocks for Fours 

Unlike some of the Enneagram points, Fours definitely want to be seen, but that doesn’t mean they don’t encounter visibility blocks. Let’s look at some of the most common blocks.

Fear of Being Misunderstood

Fours have a strong desire to be seen as unique and authentic, and they often fear that others won’t “get” them or will judge their uniqueness. This fear can make them hesitant to put themselves out there, as they worry about misinterpretation or superficial responses to their work.

Self-Doubt and Perfectionism

Fours often have high standards for self-expression and feel that their work must perfectly capture their inner vision before sharing it. They may worry that their creations aren’t ‘good enough’ to represent them authentically. This perfectionism can lead to procrastination or even paralysis, with Fours revisiting projects endlessly rather than releasing them to the public.

 

Attachment to melancholy and the ‘Tortured Artist’ persona

Fours sometimes feel that their emotional depth and melancholy are central to their identity, which can make visibility feel uncomfortable or forced. They may resist mainstream visibility, worrying it could dilute their sense of authenticity or make them seem inauthentic.

Torn between authenticity and success

Fours will often dismiss platforms or strategies that don’t feel ‘deep’ or ‘authentic’ enough and will express disdain for ‘commercial artists’ or artists perceived to have ‘sold out’. They can feel torn between staying true to themselves and adapting to be more appealing or marketable. This can cause them to pull back from visibility altogether if they feel pressured to change. (I have noticed this same pattern with Enneagram Ones, who have a strong commitment to a certain ethical way of being and then resist any idea of changing or compromising to make their ideas more palatable or accessible to the mainstream.)

Fear of being ordinary or not unique enough

Fours are highly attuned to their desire to be unique, and they may feel that if they share too openly, they risk being seen as just one of many. This fear can make them hesitant to put themselves in situations where they feel they may blend in or lose their individuality. Fours avoid anything that feels overly mainstream or common.

Sensitivity to criticism and rejection

Fours are sensitive and often deeply affected by criticism or rejection. They may take negative feedback personally, which can create a block around visibility if they fear that being seen will expose them to hurtful criticism. This can make them withdraw from visibility after receiving even minor criticism.

Need for privacy and fear of overexposure

Fours value their privacy and inner world and can worry about visibility requiring them to share too much of themselves. This fear of overexposure can keep them from fully engaging in platforms or opportunities that feel too public or invasive.

The result can be that Fours pull back from visibility strategies that require frequent sharing or open engagement, such as social media or public speaking.

 

To the rest of the Enneagram 

There are going to be times when the Enneagram Fours in your life feel too dramatic for you. ‘Drama queen’ is a term that many Enneagram Fours report being called throughout their lives. In those moments, it’s important to remember just how sensitive Fours are. It’s helpful to remember that they’re feeling their emotions very intensely and doing their best to manage them.

Fours often experience an acute feeling of separation. I think most people can relate to feeling alone, like an outsider, and like we don’t belong. Many of us have had painful experiences of being rejected or isolated. This isn’t unique to Enneagram Fours.

We all carry wounds, but what makes Fours unique is that they wrap their identity around their wounding. So when they’re unconsciously or consciously pushing you away (which they do unconsciously to sustain that story of separation), take a moment to remember how painful it is to feel like you don’t belong. Doing this will help you to meet them where they’re functioning emotionally and gently draw them back from there.

Emotional boundaries are tricky for Fours as they’re constantly wavering around in search of the right kind of emotional intensity. This can be quite confusing to live with because they can both love and hate you with equal intensity, all within the space of five minutes.

As the parent of a daughter who has a Three/Four Enneagram mix, I find the best response is simply to let her know I’m there if she needs me. I try not to get pulled into the whirlwind of drama she can whip up and I don’t leave her hanging out in the emotional wilderness either. I make sure she knows she’s loved, I talk to her about emotional regulation and setting healthy emotional boundaries, and I give her space to work through things in the way that suits her best. Then I invite her to do something creative.

Creativity is a great outlet for Fours who are struggling emotionally. When that happens in your home, pop some paper in front of the Enneagram Fours or show them a guitar or a set of paints. Many Fours will find their way to clarity and emotional regulation through their art.